I once read that people with disabilities tend to be rebellious.
I’ll admit it — I HATE SCHOOL. I really detest studying. I feel caged in an imaginary bubble. I hate sitting in class and listening to lectures for over an hour. I get annoyed by classmates that basically repeat what they read as if they have experienced it. I hate teachers who promote students who memorize page after page of text instead of praising students who think outside of the text. I hate sitting in classrooms where teachers cold call on me. I feel like professors can live in a bubble world within words and pages of research. I especially hate exams and assignments that are asking me to repeat what I was taught.
I love experiencing the world. Touching everything around me. Smelling different scents. Smiling at strangers. Hugs. Tasting incredible foods. Living on the edge. Experimenting –>to learn everything in life. I am a searcher of experiencing everything. I want to live and breathe and learn with all senses.
I love to daydream… especially in class. When I attended UCDavis, I hated the bubble academic world. I wanted to experience freedom and see,feel, taste, hear and smell the world. Instead when attending college, I was in a classroom learning about professors’ research on developing countries and humanitarian issues. These professors never actually grew up in a developing country and were lecturing on the issues of living there. At times they would make out as if a developing country was backwards because of the country’s culture was different from the west. I would read countless of articles of statistics. Yet, none contained human stories and or images. It was a bubble, which I felt sucked the life out of me. I had to flee this terrible entrapment. I did. I double my course load and left my junior year.
After UCDavis, I lived for the first time. I traveled the world. I was able to release all senses to gain knowledge of how the world works and how much I love living and breathing everyday. However, it dawned on me that I should probably return to school and receive a Master’s degree because I wanted to change the world.
I went to the University of Edinburgh. Once again, I lived and breathed a different world. Yet, when attending classes, I hated it. The feeling of being chained came back. The papers, reading, ridiculously long lectures, exams… dear god, I needed to escape. I decided to leave the bubble on a research project. A project that would expose the world to a real issue, not on a theory. I went to Guatemala for children who live in poverty and attend school. I learned so much within two weeks of being there than one year in school. When I completed my research, I had to start writing the dissertation. The chains came back on.
Finally, I was free again after the submitting the paper. I was able to witness life around me once again. Yet, I am stuck once again. I am stuck at work (school district) and school(another master degree). I feel trap and unable to be or feel free. I feel like I am being forced to become a follower and not a changer. Suffocation 24/7 to squeeze all of me to fit into a box. So what should I do? Tame the rebellious side? Or start a change?